Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially mad online.
At some point during this weekend’s graduation ceremonies/hoopla at the University of Oklahoma, the OU Alumni Association’s Twitter account decided to embarrass you, me and every single OU graduate — living and deceased. I’d usually prefer not to exacerbate the situation, but this simply needs to be addressed.
The following tweet contains content that may be offensive or disturbing to some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
There’s a joke about head in there somewhere, but I’ll let you use your imagination.
This abhorrent behavior obviously hasn’t gone unnoticed, as rival alumni and fan bases are pouncing at the opportunity to take digs at OU. Who can blame them? Not I.
LOL OU trying to pour a beer is the best thing I’ve seen all day https://t.co/wHQhTSb4jq— OKStateProbs (@OKStateProbs) May 12, 2018
Well. This is certainly something. Do we need to come back to Norman and teach you more? https://t.co/55bXksOgS3— Wide Right & Natty Lite (@WideRtNattyLt) May 12, 2018
I don’t know what’s worse, the pour or the beer choice. https://t.co/i2UuFssagv— Frogs O' War (@FrogsOWar) May 13, 2018
Plz leave the proper beer pouring demonstration to the SEC alums, folks https://t.co/CuKiKk7GA9— Morgan Moriarty (@Morgan_Moriarty) May 13, 2018
You boys from Oklahoma roll your joints and pour your beer all wrong https://t.co/60ycHBsyWF— Bambi (@BanderaW6) May 13, 2018
Bad pour of an Oklahoma 3.2% beer— TXhank (@TXhankflores) May 12, 2018
There’s more than a grain of validity to all of this. Seriously, WHO TAUGHT (or failed to teach) THIS INDIVIDUAL HOW TO POUR A BEER?! Some people learned this in high school. Some late bloomers learned it in college. My family is Irish-Catholic, so I was taught at a fairly young age through instruction and by example. Did society fail this individual? I think not. I’m not sure if this is a recent graduate, an old alum or someone in-between, but this person has had plenty of time to interact with people who know how to pour a beer into a glass.
“Actually, you should pour your beer into the center of the glass. That releases carbonation and gives it the proper aroma!”
Oh, shut the f*** up. Nobody cares. I don’t have time for people of your ilk. The next person who says this to me is catching these fat-guy hands.
Here are some other reactions that have irked me to some extent (if you’ll allow me to paraphrase):
*Loudly guffaws* “Hath thou land thieves not triedst a double IPA or a refreshing saison? How doth thou drink such swill?!”
Look, I enjoy a craft beer as much as the next guy, and I find that a session IPA (Terrapin Recreation, if I can find it) is the perfect outdoor, heavy-consumption beverage during the summer months. Having said that, I cut my teeth on Steel Reserve, Lost Lake and Side Pocket. I am above nothing. I’ll also gladly mess around with mass-produced garbage, be it a Natty, a Currrrrrs Laht (as shown in the above abomination of a video) or a non-ironic PBR. I don’t care if it tastes like carbonated urine. I don’t care if I’m playing into the hands of The Man. I will drink any damn beer AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT. Also, statistically speaking, the majority of your fan base drinks mass-produced domestics, so there you go. And no, not everything you like falls under the umbrella of the things I’ve mentioned, but it’s sort of irrelevant. Feel free to enjoy a good beer or a bad beer. It doesn’t matter. (Is it weird that I’m so laissez-faire when it comes to beers and so crotchety about the pouring of said beers? Maybe. I’m a weird dude.)
On second thought, mass-produced domestics are 3.2 in Oklahoma (BUT NOT FOR LONG) and are justifiably subject to harsh criticism from out-of-staters. Have at it, y’all.
“Who cares? We’ve won the last three Big 12 Championships! BOOMER SOONER!”
Culture matters to some of us, and this kind of thing is a blight on the culture of this university and fan base — as trivial as that may seem. It’s just not a good look, and I don’t like it one bit. I simply don’t understand how the manager of this account hasn’t come to his or her senses and deleted it. It’s gone semi-viral at this point and will probably spread even more in the coming hours and days.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Maybe I’m being dramatic. To be honest, I’m happy to take this one on the chin. This is the kind of nonsense that makes the long days of the offseason a bit less monotonous, and I’d be all over it if a Texas Ex or a Texas A&M “former student” (lol) decided to pour a beer like an idiot. Hopefully this can serve as a learning experience for the offending party or anyone else who has made a habit out of doing this kind of thing improperly. We’re happy to help!