Don’t draft him. You know the man I mean — the one you’re now rumored to be taking No. 1 overall. Don’t draft Baker Mayfield.
Draft that goofy kid from Wyoming — Josh Allen. His tweets are trash, but he can throw the ball over them mountains, even if he ranked 73rd in passer rating last season. What I’m really saying is he’s a younger Ryan Tannehill with two good knees. He could be your guy.
Take Sam Darnold. College football analyst Joel Klatt is so deep into the Baker Mayfield Fan Club that he has secret decoder ring. But even he thinks you should pick Darnold. Yeah, he threw 13 interceptions against just 26 touchdowns. He threw at least one pick in all but four games last season, and the football is about as secure in his hands as a bar of wet soap. But he’s got great hair.
Take Josh Rosen. His stat line is just a bit better than Darnold’s. He threw 10 interceptions last year, and didn’t seem to care too much about it, or maybe he saw a shiny fish. You know about Millennials and our short attention spans. And, if you don’t, Rosen’s former coach Jim Mora does. “He needs to be challenged intellectually so he doesn’t get bored. He’s a millennial,” Mora said. And there’s nothing more challenging than being quarterback for you, Cleveland.
But, if there is a man who is fit for the job, it’s Baker Mayfield. At Oklahoma, we’re biased. But everybody else should be, too. He’s the most efficient quarterback in college football history. His teammates swear by him. He won the Heisman trophy, and he’s shown guts walking onto two different major college football programs and becoming the starting quarterback for each of them.
But, man, those character concerns! He hung up on Brett Favre’s agent. He won’t let ESPN into his draft party. He grabbed his crotch on national television. He told Baylor he was daddy, and he was going to spank the Bears. He planted the OU flag in the middle of the Shoe. He ran from Fayetteville cops who looked better tackling him than anybody else did all season.
You don’t want Baker. You don’t want college football’s LeBron James. You don’t want an absolute legend at Oklahoma playing quarterback in Cleveland. Because then you’ll have to deal with us — fans of the Oklahoma Sooners. And we don’t play about Baker Mayfield. That’s our quarterback and we love him dearly. If I were y’all, I’d just let a much more successful franchise bear that burden.
P.S. — If you do take our dude No. 1 overall, good luck to you. You’ll have plenty of us reluctantly supporting you in OK. Just don’t try to change him too much. Baker Mayfield is great because he’s Baker Mayfield. Don’t ever forget that.