If you came here for the positive spin on where the Sooners go from here, I’m sorry to disappoint, but you’ve come to the wrong place, my friend. What is about to follow is a series of descriptively explicit obscenities with accompanying artwork…. Ready?
OK, so I actually only know, like, seven cuss words. So it would probably get a little redundant, and my mom will probably read this at some point. But I was spinning my wheels all afternoon (while sadistically listening to post-game radio coverage) trying to come up with an idea for my post-game write-up that would adequately capture my emotion after witnessing such a bizarre day of college football. I even Googled “sportswriting after a game loss”…and of course this was the third search result that popped up:
Maybe all of last year was Baker Mayfield's Alabama game...— Tyler Ames (@TyAmes93) September 3, 2016
So, that was clearly going nowhere. What followed next were minutes of blank silence, then some typing, and hours later, the result:
Idea #1: Will Urban Meyer Take It Easy On Us in Two Weeks?
Idea #2: A positive-ish “takeaways from this game”-type piece
Idea #3: A detailed take on the life and story of Katy Perry. She had something to do with this.
Idea #4: Cute animal video
....And queue up some more wheel-spinning.
Not sure if this is the right time, but remember this? Yeah… so umm, my bad. At least today’s game wasn’t quite the disaster of that one, right? We did, after all, lose to a playoff-contending Houston team today that will likely go undefeated and not sneak up on many opponents any time soon.
But damn, not this again. Not this way, again.
The same issues that surfaced in Dallas and Miami last year reared their ugly heads, shoulders, knees and toes once again this time in Houston, as this disturbing trend has become excruciating to watch, let alone expect. I stopped being able to form coherent thoughts or words when Samaje Perine went down moments after Steven Parker had just taken a walk to the locker room.
Seriously, not this sh*t again. No, no, no…
Is life made up? What if we really are in the Matrix? Is every big OU football game just a pre-programmed simulation developed by our robot masters? Did I imagine this entire afternoon, and is my life nothing but an elaborate illusion?
I digress. Perine and Parker would return to the field, but somehow so would the Clemson Tigers. Or at least some red-clad relatives of that damn orange team. Greg Ward, Jr., may not be mistaken too often for Deshaun Watson, but he does, with his improved passing skills, resemble Trevone Boykin. Much like the former TCU QB, Ward picked apart a dazed and confused Sooner defense all afternoon. He kept his poise and desperate OU defenders at bay as he ran, spun and seemingly glided anywhere he wished to go to unleash pinpoint pass after pass to his multiple overbearing wideouts. Ouch, what nightmare matchups those guys were…
Hats off to Greg Ward, Jr. That kid can really play some football. And Tom Herman can really coach up a contender.
So, thankfully, some time has now passed and my dumbfounded disorientation that started after the Jarvis Baxter “fumble” and lasted the rest of the game finally ended as LSU just lost to the Badgers in Green Bay. I can now finally bring you my most important takeaways from this game that the Sooners hopefully use to rebound from a disappointing start to yet another a promising season. Apologies up front for getting so deep…
Oklahoma should seriously consider not playing any more season openers in a city contained in the state of Texas.
The Sooners should try to score points more often through an entire game. It seems to usually work for other team. I’ve found this to be a common thread among teams that hope to win sporting contests.
I’ll have to go back and check to make sure, but the staff’s preseason predictions for how the season would turn out might have taken a slight hit this afternoon.
I’m open to any more insights you all might have as to what we can take away from this game that we didn’t already from Texas or Clemson last season. But since we have the rest of this now-uncertain schedule to ponder those and more, we can always choose to turn to more comforting matters, such as the upcoming election. That seems fun, right?