Happy Monday, Sooners fans! In the immortal words of Chicago Cubs great Ernie Banks, "Let’s play two!" This is Texas week.
And yes, that is a picture of Boomer with a beard messing with the Mountaineers mascot dude. If mankind couldn't find the funny in the world, we'd have killed each other off centuries ago.
Remember Bud Light’s "Real Men of Genius" ad campaign? My favorite is still the radio ad they did, "Mr. Way Too Proud of Texas Guy."
From the Texas fan’s perspective, I’m sure that this isn’t how they’d have wanted to roll into the Red River Shootout. They’re sitting at their worst starting record since my mother was in the first grade, and my mother is seventy years old. As much as I try to be the snark guy around here, I also try to be the perspective guy.
We walked through an eleven-year-long desert. 1988-1999. While we wandered between Gibbs, Schnellenberger, and Blake, they beat us 8-3. (They were kind enough to allow us DeMond Parker’s 1996 game, but they even beat us in Bob Stoops’ first matchup with them.)
Sooners fans, you know that I have a great respect for our opponents, and specifically a great respect for our rivals. The vast majority of student-athletes across America bring their hearts and dreams when they come to play. And they bring the fans and families, whose dreams live and die with them. And they bring their talented bands, their raucous fans, their amazing cheerleaders, and the pride of the schools for which they play.
In that spirit, let’s beat Texas like Walter Mondale. Let’s beat Texas like a Japanese katana. Let’s beat Texas like the road we never want to develop a pothole. They’re having a down year? Let’s beat ‘em bad.
I say this because I respect them, and they’d do the same to us. Let's beat 'em!
They're richer than us. And that always goes over so well as a selling point. Let's beat 'em!
Texas has won a national championship more recently than we have. Every recruit they sign automatically goes up a star. The Longhorn Network singlehandedly kept the conference shackled to their money machine. But the four-and-five stars at night don't sign so big and bright, do they? Let's beat 'em!
So let’s beat’ em! Their massive enrollment includes scholars, poets, artists, scientists, people who will go on to do brilliant things with their lives. So let’s beat ‘em! Ours does, too.
Let’s beat ‘em! Darrell K. Royal was a brilliant coach. And he should be – he learned at Oklahoma. Incidentally, Memphis just cracked the AP top-25, a team coached by Justin Fuente. So let’s beat ‘em! Even our bad coaching trees produce good fruits.
"Because [they’re] Texas," let’s beat ‘em! Because Mr. Way Too Proud of Oklahoma Guy talks about the Five Civilized tribes, the invention of the electric guitar, Carl Albert, Woodie Guthrie, Ada Lois Sipuel Fisher, Jim Thorpe. We don't play second fiddle to Texas or anyone else.
The Longhorns have some athletes, and their record is not indicative of how good they actually are. And you know they’ll be gunning for this game for pride, and one never wants to face an opponent who is playing for pride, because that’s how DeMond Parker happened in 1996. The rest of the CCM guys will be writing this up for you throughout the week. Texas: if you’re a trap game for us, we deserve to lose to you.
Our humble little site might be getting some traffic from some Longhorns fans this week. And I know Longhorns fans, and I’m friends with Longhorns fans, and they’re not lepers. They’re just Longhorns fans. So Longhorns fans who are visiting, when I say "Let’s beat ‘em?" I say it out of that weird love that comes from hate, because you’d do it to us in a heartbeat.
Peace and love, Sooners fans! It's Monday at 8:15, and Texas sucks, but I wish them nothing but peace and love, too. They need it more.
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