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Monday Morning Bulletpoints -- 11/10/14

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As Dean Martin would say, "Ain't that a kick in the head?"

  • Happy Monday, Sooners fans! Well, hopefully happier than your Saturday night.
  • There’s just no two ways to put it, we enjoyed some rarefied air against Baylor on Saturday. By "Rarefied air," I’m meaning the kind of air you produce after eating leftovers of your Aunt Petunia’s cabbage rolls after they’ve been sitting in the fridge for three days. I would honestly rather smell your Aunt Petunia’s farts than rewatch that game. I’m seriously thinking that HolaKyle’s Oklahoma highlights recap YouTube video will be the commercials that aired while OU wasn’t playing.
  • We’ve not had to feel this way as Sooners fans too terribly often during the Stoops tenure. LSU hurt. I missed the Darren Sproles K-State debacle because I was working, but that USC game aged my liver by about two years. Texas A&M and WVU in bowl games, of course. Baylor last year. Because it happens so seldom, it can often be confusing to Sooners football fans. Famed American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was surely writing about Oklahoma fans in 1969 when she described our reactions.
  • Denial Kibbeh
  • 1: DENIAL. Even in the 3rd quarter, when it became apparent that we were content to let Bryce Petty play Frisbee in the quad with his wide receivers, we still had hope. We’ve seen Sooner Magic before, and know it to be a real and powerful force in the universe. Surely Zack Sanchez’s mutant powers will manifest and he’ll discover teleportation on national television, right?
  • Pitchforks!
  • 2: ANGER. WHY ARE OUR CORNERS PLAYING EIGHT YARDS OFF THE LINE?!? WHAT UNBELIEVABLE STUPIDITY MAKES A MILLIONAIRE COACH DO THIS?!? WHY DID I NEVER LEARN TO READ LIPS SO I COULD KNOW EXACTLY THE TRUTH THAT JULIAN WILSON IS SPITTING RIGHT NOW?!? WHY DID I HAVE TO PUT SUCH AN AERODYNAMIC VASE SO CLOSE TO A FRAGILE TELEVISION?!? FIRE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Calrissian
  • 3: BARGAINING. Okay, I know the problem: I put on my wrong Sooners sweatshirt! I was wearing it when OU beat Alabama, but clearly the football gods think it now to be a stale sacrifice. I will change into my new sweatshirt that I had been going to give my girlfriend for Christmas if this will appease you, football gods?
  • Super Depressed
  • 4: DEPRESSION. I’m not depressed. I’m realistic. I’m finally seeing with clarity the reality that the world is a cold, black rock floating in an empty universe. Everyone who has ever said that the Sooners were any good were liars or fools, and I bought it. I bought it because I was stupid enough to have hope that there could ever be a tiny candleflame of light in this vast expanse of nothingness. I’m going to go put on black, eat a bowl of worms, and listen to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" to try to cheer myself up. Or maybe The Cure. If I can even be bothered to move.
  • Acceptance
  • 5: ACCEPTANCE. Okay, we were playing without Sterling Shepard. And Baylor’s a really good team with a really good coach. And there was a time in the early 2000s when Oklahoma State had our number, and we came back to prove them wrong. And we’ve still got Kansas yet to play, and that will make us feel better. And I guess this wasn’t the year I was hoping for, but now I can just enjoy the games without pressure. And Texas still sucks. Sooner born and Sooner bred, and when I die, I’ll be Sooner dead. Rah, Oklahoma.
  • One last thought before I go…. Not to get all theological here, but I’m a firm believer in the football gods. And for anyone calling for the firing of Bob Stoops, I would simply remind you of the old Italian saying: "Quando dio vuole castigarci ci manda quello che desideriamo." "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers."
  • Peace and love, Sooners fans! Go hug your spouse, hug your kids, hug your parents… heck, go hug that weird guy in IT who has a bigger cubicle than you. The Texas Tech Red Raiders are next. And is there anything that makes you feel better faster than punching a prettyboy in the mouth?  I'll leave you with "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" in case you're still on stage four....