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What Happened in Indy?

Several representatives from the University of Oklahoma met with the NCAA infractions committee Saturday over the Bomargate incident. University president David Boren said that no new allegations were brought up and the university pretty much heard what the expected to. The main topic of conversation for the four and a half hour meeting was whether or not OU failed to monitor the athletes adequately.

With a verdict not expected for at least six weeks and neither side really disclosing what transpired behind closed doors we must turn to our crack staff of Sooner spies, who posed as flies on the wall, and their brief transcript of the meeting.

 
Infractions Committee: You do realize the reason you are here and the severity of the situation, right?
OU President David Boren: Yeah, we remember from last year.
Infractions Committee: So you didn't learn your lesson?
OU Athletic Director Joe Castiglione: The way I understand it is that incident has no barring on this one as we are comparing apples to oranges.
Infractions Committee: You mean cell phones to cash?
Castiglione: No I mean rogue players to rogue coaches!
Infractions Committee: And you feel as if the university is not at fault here?
Boren: Ladies and gentlemen of the committee we have admitted that mistakes were made but we have also taken harsh measures ourselves to rectify the situation.
Infractions Committee: So you admit that mistakes were made but you refuse to admit that you failed to monitor the situation adequately.
Boren: It's very hard to devise any system that will catch deliberate violations. Besides that the violators were tossed amongst other measures taken by this fine institution.
Infractions Committee: Coach Stoops, do you feel that the measurers taken by the university were fair but still harsh?
Bob Stoops: Certainly, no question!
Infractions Committee: Can you elaborate please?
Stoops Certainly, we removed my starting quarterback and offensive lineman as well as a guy who, well, never was going to play just a month before the season. It's not like we had a guy's family living in an affluent neighborhood and getting paid thousands of dollars on his way to winning the Heisman trophy.
Infractions Committee: Good point but you still were able to win the Big 12 Championship this season and yet you feel that your program has already been punished enough?
Stoops: Certainly, no question! We had a kid playing receiver who was a decent quarterback and a heck of a leader. You also failed to mention that I lost scholarships and some coaches for recruiting!
Infractions Committee: How, sir, were you then able to not only win a Big 12 Championship but also already put together one of the finest recruiting classes around if you were under a "self-imposed probation."
Bob Stoops: Well that's easy its because we are Oklahoma.
Infractions Committee: What does that mean?
Bob Stoops: It means seven national championships and forty conference championships, including four of the last seven. By the way no other conference team has more than two.
Castiglione: What Coach Stoops is saying is that University of Oklahoma football means power, prestige and profit. We call them the three p's.
Infractions Committee: The problem is when that profit is shared with the student athletes!
Castiglione: Sir, we agree with that there is a problem in sharing all that money but we don't share with the student athletes, we share with you guys.
Infractions Committee: How do you mean?
Castiglione: OU football has been to five BCS bowl games since 2000 and to eight consecutive bowls from 1999 to the current date. Our team has been televised 57 consecutive times and I've actually have lost track of the number of consecutive sell outs. Each year this program makes millions of dollars and guess who gets a huge piece of that pie?
Infractions Committee: The NCAA?
Castiglione: You are correct!
Infractions Committee: So if we take away your television or your bowl games we lose money?
Castiglione: Yep, and lots of it!
Infractions Committee: Mr. Boren, is there anything else that you would like to add?
Boren: Just the fact that I used to work with the CIA and I know people who know people, if you know what I mean.
Infractions Committee: Umm...thank you gentlemen that will be all. We'll be in touch!

OK, seriously we don't have any spies but we're pretty sure that's how it went down.