UPDATE #2: Perp No. 2 has been caught. Huzzah, justice prevails!
UPDATE: Perp No. 1 caught. His brainiac accomplice soon to follow I'm sure.
If you hadn't already heard, Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops' home was burglarized during the early morning hours on Wednesday. While the local police were hesitant to reveal many details about the burglary, they did confirm reports that a vehicle was one of the items stolen from the property.
No word as of yet whether or not that vehicle was one of the two pink Cadillacs Stoops' wife, Carol, has earned during her time as a Mary Kay rep.
Now while we here at CCM can certainly respect the cojones it took for someone to rob arguably one of Norman's most high profile residents, we are also proud law-abiding citizens and with that in mind we've put together a list of possible suspects to assist in the efforts to track down this criminal.
Suspect No. 1 - Nick Saban, Alabama Head Coach
Fact: Bob Stoops hates the SEC. Fact: Nick Saban is the devil.
You do the math.
Suspect No. 2 - Brent Loveland, Handyman Formerly Under The Employ Of One Mike Gundy
Following Stoops' unreported refusal to testify as a character witness on behalf of Loveland in his lawsuit against Gundy, the guy certainly has an axe to grind with the OU head football coach. You'd think wearing an OU shirt into the enemy's den and risking the wrath of the "I'm a man!" guy would have been enough to prove his devotion. Apparently not for Bob Stoops.
Listed as a possible suspect more for familiarity with the victim than anything else. However, after the consecutive five plus touchdown beatdowns there is no lack of a motive on the part of MackBrownTexasFootball™.
The glaring flaw in that theory being other than a nationally televised depantsing, Mack hasn't been able to take anything from Bob in years.
Suspect No. 4 - Bob Stoops
Sure, he has the perfect alibi after making an appearance at Wednesday's Sooner Caravan in Wichita, Kansas. But think about it. Every time Stoops has opened his mouth this offseason he's created some kind of controversy, be it unintentional or not. What better way to get into the good graces of the national media than to stage a break-in at your own home?
Well played, Bob. Well played.
If you have any information that could be of more help than what is above, you are encouraged to call the Norman Crime Stoppers hotline at 366-STOP.
Rest assured the local authorities will get their man and if we're really lucky, someone might just be there to capture Bob Stoops' victory dance when they slap the cuffs on him.